Hey Look! Baseball (kinda) started!

For those of you with the soul of a kid waking up early on christmas, you were obviously up early to see the Mariners and the Athletics duke it out in the Tokyo Dome.

I, however, spent a little too much time watching The Wire and fell sleep just as the game was starting.

BUT!

I was able to stave off sleepy time just long enough to the the first pitch. The first pitch kicking off that thing we all love. What is it? Well, it's many things to many people.

It's the chance to begin anew.
It's what bonds a father with his son.
It's how we spend our summer nights and days.
It's looking up to see the ball fly high.
It's hearing the sound of a fireball smacking a catcher's mitt.
It's hearing that loudest of calls, the almighty "STEEEEEERRRIKE!"
It's watching a ball bend reality.......and our minds.
It's watching one man launch a ball into the upper atmosphere.

And while we all have different ways to recognize this grand game, one thing holds true for everyone.

It's the love of the game.

So get out there, toss the ball around. Hit some homers and turn some double plays.

It may not mean much to everyone yet, but Opening Day is just around the corner.
For when this crazy game starts, it's gonna start slow. But it will build speed, momentum, and fire.
It'll cruise at the start, then crescendo into what has the potential to be an eventful postseason.

Tigers open next week. I'm already psyched beyond comprehension.

NOTE TO FAN CAVE PEOPLE:

........nice kimonos........

The Inaugural "Bold as Hell" 2012 MLB Predictions

Time to join the crowd and make a list. My first list will shape the very outcome of this Baseball season. Or not, either way, it's cool.

The idea for this list is due in part to a man named Shaka Brodie. Thanks to his vision, I forged this list in the fires of Mordor ready to be seen by all. If that last sentence wasn't epic enough, then you can just go back to looking at cat pictures.

Starting with the National League, here are my Bold as Hell predictions for each team, in no particular order:

THE NATIONAL LEAGUE

Atlanta Braves - Jason Heyward will go on a 34 game hitting streak, with the 34th hit being the most controversial hit, because the ball will hit a bird when it is rifled between 1st and 2nd. I'm already praying for the poor fowl.

Miami Marlins - They will begin their historic rise, becoming a playoff contender for the ages, make it to the World Series in 3 years, but will lose to the Chicago Cubs. Don't believe me?

New York Mets - Johan Santana will commune with his distant cousin Carlos to return to form in 2012. He'll throw a no-no against the Phillies. You heard it here first.

Philadelphia Phillies - Johnathan Papelbon will use the "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" TV Theme in place of his recent falling out with The Dropkick Murphys. 10 dollars says you were already singing the theme in your head before you finished this sentence.

Washington Nationals - Jayson Werth's beard will gain sentience (it will become alive) and become the new No. 7 hitter and filling in as catcher on most weekends.

Chicago Cubs - Well, this one might be the hardest to write because, like Master Yoda says, "Clouded, the future is."........So here it goes......The Cubs will win some games this year. (Insert Cubs joke here. Sorry Pasnik."

Cincinnati Reds - Brandon Phillips will lead the league in "Oh My God He's Good".

Milwaukee Brewers - Ryan Braun will repeat as NL MVP. There, I said it.

Pittsburgh Pirates - A.J. Burnett will start Opening Day, will be pitching a perfect game until Bane from "The Dark Knight Rises" blows up the field in the top of the 9th. He did it to the Steelers, he'll do it to the Pirates. Just watch.

St. Louis Cardinals - Lance Berkman "Puma" will be inducted into the Hall of Fame mid season, just because of this picture. Damn, is that not the most epic thing to live on a man's face?

Arizona Diamondbacks - Justin Upton will hit a home run that will fly out of the center field windows. and into California.

Colorado Rockies - During routine maintenance of the field, 5 more dinosaurs will be discovered underneath the stadium. They will come to life and befriend these hip young teens with attitude.

They'll also win the division. The Rockies, I mean. Not these little punks.....stupid kids and their music.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Matt Kemp and Clayton Kershaw will hit back to back in the lineup, becoming the most baffling and prolific 8 & 9 hitters in the game.

San Diego Padres - Newly acquired outfielder Carlos Quentin will get the Channel 4 Logo from Anchorman tattooed on his chest and insist on not wearing a jersey when playing. Hey, the things we do for the things we love, right? Oh, and he's gonna hit 40 homers.

That's the National League......ON TO!!!......

THE AMERICAN LEAGUE

Baltimore Orioles - Matt Wieters will defy all logic and win Rookie of the Year. He's just so good.

Boston Red Sox - They will start slow, then find their rhythm to put together an impressive record, only to collapse on the last day of the sea......what?.......THEY ALREADY DID THAT!?!?!? Ha Ha, real funny guys, next thing you'll tell me is 4 minutes after that the Rays beat the Yankees to go to the pla.....that happened too?........I'm just.....I don't even know what to say........a whole wheel of cheese? That's amazing!.....What was I talking about? Oh, well, I guess the Sox will do okay, that A-Gon guy is cool.

New York Yankees - You may have a bajillion dollars, you'll probably have a good season, but we have this guy. Listen to what he says. (I know this list was supposed to be Bold, but seriously guys, this is a no brainer.)

Tampa Bay Rays - Evan Longoria will hit 50 homers........all to the gap next to the left field foul pole. Doubles in any other ball park, homers at the Trop. What?

Toronto Blue Jays - Ricky Romero will get 25 strikeouts in a game. In that same game, Jose Bautista will hit for the cycle......twice.

Chicago White Sox - Adam Dunn will become a modern day Pedro Cerrano. Completely crazy, but clutch when it counts. Also, Alex Rios will get an unassisted Triple Play. I can't wait to see your face when it happens. I hope it looks like this:

Cleveland Indians - Asdrubal Cabrera will be #1 on Top Web Gems for 12 straight weeks.....beating "Take On Me" by A-Ha, with the current record of 11.

Detroit Tigers - Finally we get to these guys. The Tigers will have an amazing season, capped with Cabrera and Fielder sharing the MVP, Cy Young, Silver Slugger, Home Run Derby, and All Star Game MVP Honors. And Verlander will get his 3rd No-No......and then late in August, when the no one gives a crap, he'll toss his first perfect game. Oh, and SPOILER ALERT they win the World Series.

Kansas City Royals - To quote my friend Kevin, "Be nice to Bruce Chen, He's sensitive". If people are nice To Chen, Royals could do pretty well. Especially if that Ka'aihue keeps hitting dingers. So my prediction is they will play in the new Wild Card playoff. Yup, again, I said it.

Minnesota Twins - I despise this team. They were beating us up for years and did NOTHING in the postseason. Now it's the Tigers turn. Twins will be rebuilding this year because everyone will be busy tearing them down. BOOM roasted. (XO LG!)

Los Angeles Angels - Since they signed some scrubs named Pujols and Wilson, this team could be pretty good. I say they score 1,700 runs. Minimum.

Oakland Athletics - As the Moneyball rolls, so do the Athletics. I'm interested in what happens with this Cespedes kid. I heard he eats people. Can he really fly? Oh, and the Athletics will win the West.

Seattle Mariners - Ichiro will get 250 hits........before the All Star Break. And Felix will win 20. He's scary.

Texas Rangers - Yu Darvish will set the record for "Most Play on Words" when he does well and wins 15 games. Seriously, Pun writers across the world will have heart attacks. I actually hopes this happens, because Pun writers need to thin their numbers. 

Houston Astros - Since they moved to the AL, I'm certain The Astros will do something. Either way, I'm right. HA!

AND THAT'S THE BELL

That was my "Bold as Hell" predictions. I like to pride myself in thinking I know what I'm talking about. If anything on this list happens, I'm instantly validated and should be announced as King of Everything. 

Stay tuned, my way too early Playoff Bracket is coming. Get ready, cuz it's gonna kick your ass!

Fan Cave 2012 POSTGAME

The locker room is packed.

Cameras everywhere, lights in everyones eyes, lots of noise and a splitting headache. Players sit around, cleaning themselves up and trying to prepare for the onslaught. They did everything right that night, they fielded the ball clean, they went yard, and the pitcher threw a gem.

And yet, they sit there and have to field questions like, "What went wrong?" "Where did the mistakes happen?" "Where do you go from here?". They did everything right, but they are sitting in the locker room with no champagne. No streamers. No cigars. No swimming goggles.

They just sit wondering, "Why not us?"
__________________________________________________________________________________

If I know my other contestants well, and I'd like to think I do, myself and 20 others felt the exact same way last night.

We were informed that we would not be going to New York for the Fan Cave.

3 months ago I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had applied for the Fan Cave last year but I was not chosen. So be it, way it goes! So when I see they are having a new format for the Cave this year, there was no reason no to try again. I put together a video that I thought best demonstrated my love of the game. I got to walk the hallowed ground that is old Tiger Stadium, sing in the shower and make my friend  Danny look like a minor leaguer by jacking homers off him. I was happy with what I made and I was going to be completely fine if I wasn't chosen again.

But like most great stories, chance came into my favor when I received a phone call. I made it to the Top 50. Out of 22,000 fans, I made the Top 50.

Holy shit.

After that, I started a crazy campaign to get into the Cave. "Put Some Motor City in the Fan Cave" was my motto. I made postcards, a t-shirt, and a very narcissistic poster of myself. (what can I say, I'm drop dead gorgeous!) I went to Sportsfest to campaign with other Detroit finalists Angelo, Mike and Brad. The day was great, we got great exposure and got to hang out with some very cool Tigers folk.

On top of that, I even jeopardized the very fabric of time by involving a Delorean Time Machine. I felt great but I was still skeptical. I was going to be completely fine if I wasn't chosen in the Top 30.

But like most great stories, chance came into my favor when I received an e-mail. I made it to the Top 30.

Wut?

Then I boarded flight 1921 for Phoenix. Sitting in that chair, flipping on my tunes, trying to guess what the hell this trip was gonna be like was stressful. What was I going to say? Hi! Do you like Baseball? I thought I was doomed, but then something unexpected happened. When I started walking through the hotel, I began to see my fellow contestants. Whenever I saw someone, our eyes lit up like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years. Bonds were forged in a way I hadn’t seen. Though we were going against each other, somehow we looked beyond that. We instantly saw that our love of the game meant more than a chance in the cave. It meant that for 72 hours, we found people just as crazy us.

People I know kept asking me what I’ve gotten myself into. At times, I was able to answer quickly, other times I was speechless. What could possibly make more crazy sense than having a job to watch EVERY GAME of the MLB season. Throughout out my time in AZ, I was interacting with basically the MLB illuminati. I allow myself those 5 seconds to flip right out, but then reality comes right back in.

Upon arriving at Chase Field, the situation came into sharp focus. Sitting in the conference room, getting the low down from Tim Brosnan and JB, the crazy serious side of this experience came to balance the wonder we all had. I know I was star struck for a moment, but this is when I started to really think about my chances. This was a bigger deal than we thought, and these members of the MLB elite were damn sure making us aware of that. Making the top 30 out of 22,000 still doesn’t ring too loudly now, but when I got back home to lay in my bed, it felt like a monkey was bashing my face in.

I’m not sure how to describe this feeling, but I’ll give it a shot. I liken it to a rabbit having a carrot dangled in front of him. To have it right there in front of me, so close to taste it, I better run, scratch and claw to get it. The trivia, the interviews, the challenges and most of all, the karaoke, it’s all been worth the effort. And on the flip side, trying to see how this looks to my family, it must be strange and wonderful to see their kin going after their dream. Like Grandpa Joe to Charlie, it meant everything to see the e-mail my mom sent to everyone. Just my son going for the dream, no big deal. Best family ever, watching from afar as I try to grab this chance.

Loving this game and trying to get into the Cave is one of the all time stories for the grandkids. From the Tiger Stadium shoot, to speeding to 88 miles per hour in a Delorean Time Machine to make sure I make a good impression, to rocking way farers in an MLB commercial,  this experience has been more than eye opening. It’s a rare peek at what goes on to make these dreams happen. To create a wholly unique experience and pick 30 people to compete to achieve baseball nirvana, what else is there?

I could look at this as a wasted week. But that would be impossible because of the people I’ve met and the challenges I’ve overcome to be here. This could never be wasted.  The journey is the destination and the destination in the journey. I will look back on this and see not one bit of regret. I’ll see that these 30 people put not just themselves on the line, but their very souls to prove why they should be in the Cave.

Congratulations to those going in to the Cave! I'm gonna be hounding you and keeping you on your toes to make the most of this!!!!!   Like Tim Brosnan said, "We don't know what this is yet."

It's up to you guys to mold it into something special. And yes, I'm going to say this......

KNOCK THIS OUTTA THE PARK. YOU BETTA GO YAHD ON THIS ONE!

My many thanks to my Mom, Dad, Uncle Chet, Uncle Jeff, Sookie, Cleggles, Broseph Chester, Danny, Tony, Stephen, Mike, Angelo, Brad, Johnny, My FSD crew, Bridge, friends and family who voted and kept me sane and to Ken K. for letting me drive the time vehicle My bucket list got a huge chunk completed thanks to you guys. I can't tell you what it means to see everyone in my corner. Oh wait yes I can.....it means EVERYTHING. Here's to the next adventure kids, 

I'm also really excited to look back and say aloud, “Wait, did that just happen?”

Yes. Hell Yes.